


The Doctor and His Very Accidental Narwhal Impression

by goingtothetardis



Series: A Series of Unfortunate Boners [6]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Awkward Boners, Cuddling, F/M, Popcorn, Watching animal documentaries, narwhals, sort of cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 13:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12865800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goingtothetardis/pseuds/goingtothetardis
Summary: While cuddling with Rose and watching a documentary on narwhals, the Doctor can't contain his best impression of the majestic beasts.





	The Doctor and His Very Accidental Narwhal Impression

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caedmon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/gifts).



> Okay, so this is Haley's fault (Caedmon), and I know she's out there not feeling guilty at all about the vast amount of fuckery she's initiated over the last few years. (But tbh, I wouldn't feel guilty, either, so...) 
> 
> She prompted: _So imagine this: Rose and the Doctor are watching a documentary on narwhals. She keeps snuggling close to the Doctor and whoopsie, he's got wood. He's trying to make it go away, he's trying to keep her from knowing, but she somehow puts her hand on it. Instead of panicking, though, she asks him if he's doing his best impression of a narwhal. The rest is up to you. :D_
> 
> I don't even know.
> 
> Thanks to SelenaTerna for the read through!!

“The flying narwhals of Blunar X Raff, tonight, yeah?” Rose asks, excitedly skipping into the cinema room with a giant bowl of popcorn. “You got the fizzbombs?”

“Fizzbombs, narwhals, popcorn, and Rose! All I need for the perfect movie experience. Allons-y!” the Doctor calls, bounding from the big screen covering one wall of the cinema on the TARDIS, trying not to trip in the pair of banana slippers Rose had found for him on one of their market expeditions. 

They’re about to watch another animal documentary, one of the many they’ve watched in recent weeks between adventures. Rose hadn’t believed him when he’d first told her of the fabled unicorns of Blatraxi Upon, so he’d shown her a documentary about the magnificent animals before taking her there in person. 

It’s a bit backward from his usual approach, much preferring to simply show her the universe in real time, but occasionally there will be an animal on a planet hostile to her physiology or they simply prefer to learn about the universe in their jimjams from their very own cinema, eating caramel banana flavoured popcorn and fizzbomb soda from their favorite candy shop on Hogsmeade (the planet, not the famous magical village). 

Tonight is one of those nights, and the Doctor plops down next to Rose on the plushy two-person couch provided by the TARDIS. He kicks off his slippers and straightens his silk, pinstriped jimjams. 

“She gave us a new couch!” Rose exclaims in delight. “Oooh, it’s so comfortable. And look! Cupholders!” She jumps and and down on the seat, testing its firmness, and it’s only then the Doctor notices Rose’s own choice of jimjams. Short, hot pink shorts and a white tank top showing off how very much she’s _not_ wearing anything under it.

The Doctor swallows, and looks away, forcing himself to focus on the couch and not his beautiful companion. 

(He’s a Time Lord, after all. He’s above such temptations.) 

They spend several minutes exploring all the features of their new couch, moaning in delight upon the discovery of the extendable leg rests and fluffy blankets tucked in the side. 

(Her moans absolutely do _not_ make his hearts stutter a beat.)

To his relief, Rose pulls one of the impossibly soft blankets out and covers it over their laps, then pulls it up to her chin. 

“Oh, whoops,” she says, laughing. “That won’t work. Can’t eat the popcorn if I’m covered in a blanket!” Pushing it down, she reaches over for the bowl sitting on the armrest and places it in her lap before scooting over to the Doctor’s side. 

“Quite.” Clearing his throat, he reaches into the bowl and shoves a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “Oooooh, this is the best one yet, Rose,” he says between bites. 

“Mmmm, I dunno, I still like the white chocolate and llijara–”

“Llijaranja,” he corrects.

“–llijaranja flavor best.”

“But bananas, Rose,” he peers down at her, hoping to win her over by jutting out his bottom lip in a pout.

“I’m allowed to have a different favorite popcorn flavour,” she mutters, her eyes dropping to his mouth, then to the popcorn, before raising briefly to his mouth again. 

“Bananas.” He juts his lip out a little more. 

Rose glances at his mouth once more before sighing loudly and casting her gaze into the bowl of popcorn. 

“Thought we were gonna learn about flying narwhals,” she says, looking pointedly between him and the screen. 

“But you never agreed with me about the popcorn.” 

(Yes, he’s acting petulant. No, he doesn’t care.)

“Narwhals, Doctor.”

“Oh, all right. But don’t come whinging to me when white chocolate and llijaranja inevitably let let you down,” he mutters, sending a mental note to the TARDIS to start the film. 

Within seconds the room darkens completely, and the screen fills with images of flying narwhals while a male’s voice with an old Earth Scottish brogue narrates. 

Rose rests her head against his shoulder and shifts slightly closer until her leg bumps against his. 

(Oh, she’s… close.)

“His voice is a bit nice,” she says, then reaches for a handful of popcorn. 

“Nice? A bit nice? I’ve got a nice voice, don’t you like it?” he asks, sitting forward and pulling away from her, indignant. 

“Never said I didn’t like your voice,” Rose answers, her voice laced with amusement, and looks at him with the tongue-touched smiles that always causes his mind to go mysteriously blank. 

“Er,” he starts, and her smile widens, like she knows exactly what it does to him. 

“I’m just winding you up, Doctor.” Rose laughs as she smacks him lightly on the arm. “Your voice is lovely. Even when you sounded like you were from the North.”

“It is, isn’t it?” He smiles, pleased with her appraisal, and settles back onto the couch, secretly relieved when she returns her head to his shoulder. 

The film continues playing, and they settle into a comfortable silence. 

After a while, however, he finds himself rather bored with the flying narwhals. He’d flown with them in his fifth body, learning all he could about the animal at the time, so all this information is repetitive. For a while, Rose’s clear fascination had been enough to distract him from the lack of new material, but now…

He chances a glance at his companion who has nestled herself in his side as if she belongs there.

(Perhaps she does.)

Suddenly, Rose is all he can think about. The scent of her soap, her freshly washed hair, the way her tank top clings to her skin, the feel of her pressed against him – everything _Rose_ presses in against him. 

A flood of affection and warmth grows in his hearts and spreads quickly to his groin, and he feels himself respond to Rose’s presence, hardening in his pants. Despite his grandiose claims of being a Time Lord with the ability to dedicate his mind to pinpoint focus on a variety of things at once, he discovers that in this moment, he’s unable to focus on anything but Rose. 

(He shouldn’t feel this way. Really, he shouldn’t. Why can’t he think about anything else?) 

Watch the flying narwhals. Yes, good.

Then the sensation of what it’d be like to run his tongue on Rose’s skin between her breasts flits into his mind, and his hearts speed up at the image his mind provides him. His cock twitches. 

Something else, focus. Anything but Rose’s creamy white skin and her taste on his tongue. 

Rose shifts beside him, and without thinking, he automatically moves with her, unwilling to let her leave his side. She yelps, startling him, and their simultaneous reactions send the bowl of popcorn flying in the air. 

She grapples randomly for the popcorn that has landed all over them and the couch, and in doing so, wraps one hand smoothly around his cock. 

A loud gasp tears from his mouth, and Rose freezes. A second passes, and she squeezes her fist around him once before abruptly pulling away. 

The narrator drones on as a heavy silence settles between them. 

After a beat, Rose speaks. “Doctor, are you happy to see me or is that your best narwhal impression?” 

At this, the Doctor can’t help but turn to Rose in astonished embarrassment. She’s shaking with silent laughter, biting her lower lip as if attempting to contain her hysterics. Finally, a high pitched giggle slips out, and she collapses against him, gasping for breath as she laughs hysterically against him. “I’m… so sorry… I… I… meant to grab the popcorn… not your… your… narwhal…”

She dissolves into another ground of giggles. 

For a brief moment, the Doctor stares at her nonplussed, until the utter absurdity of the moment hits him, and he joins in her laughter. 

They laugh and laugh for several minutes until Rose rolls over a part of him still highly aroused by her existence, and she gasps, as if remembering the reason this all started. 

Rose shifts so she’s facing him and pins him with a brazen gaze as she traces the outline of him over his jimjams. “Is this because of me?”

He nods, for once in his life unable to find the right words. 

“Good,” she says, then smiles, a soft and slightly shy quirk of the lips that makes him want to lean down and kiss her. “That okay?”

Instead of answering, he leans down and finds her lips.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me at goingtothetardis.tumblr.com!!
> 
> I've been so blocked during the week lately due to work stress and fatigue, but Haley bugged me about this prompt yesterday, and I dunno, the words just flew out of my brain last night. So woo???


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